tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post3573227437698877294..comments2023-06-28T22:58:28.247+10:00Comments on Sixth In Line: Her father's beadsElisabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-41140527166268973282011-05-23T22:12:54.243+10:002011-05-23T22:12:54.243+10:00I think it's terrific when blended families ca...I think it's terrific when blended families can get together to share their parental inheritance equally. It seems much more helpful to all concerned.<br /><br />No wonder you're toey about your mother's inheritance. I'm all for equal distribution among siblings regardless. <br /><br />Thanks, Robert.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-54906724446825343482011-05-23T05:36:14.084+10:002011-05-23T05:36:14.084+10:00Wills and inheritance are a touchy subject for me....Wills and inheritance are a touchy subject for me. My mother apparently had something in mind when she left the lion's share of the inheritance to my sister. The money wasn't the issue but my sister somehow deemed that my mother's decision meant that I was somehow "undeserving" in some manner and the remainder of our relationship with each other was infused with that underlying attitude. It became sufficiently uncomfortable over time that I severed all relationship with my sister.<br /><br />I am in a second marriage with two blood and two step children. My wife and I have made it a point that all four will benefit equally from our estate. When we were married, we had our children stand with us as a demonstration that two families were getting married. The step-siblings do not recognize that they share no DNA, they consider themselves brother and sisters in all respects. Our legacy will always reflect that.Robert the Skeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10863488312604865183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-65670303589002219902011-05-22T20:27:01.402+10:002011-05-22T20:27:01.402+10:00I'm glad that my mother is back in her familia...I'm glad that my mother is back in her familiar surroundings , too, Erin. She seems so much happier.<br /><br />Strange to say, hospitals are no place for the frail elderly. My mother is much better since she was in hospital. She needs a different sort of attention than the carving up of her bodily functions as happens in hospitals. Like all of us, she needs overall and personal care.<br /><br />Thanks, Erin.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-72104890916335858612011-05-22T20:24:13.095+10:002011-05-22T20:24:13.095+10:00Thank you again for your good wishes, Marja. I...Thank you again for your good wishes, Marja. I'm glad my posts give you food for thought, as yours do for me.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-77951194687651938742011-05-22T20:23:05.145+10:002011-05-22T20:23:05.145+10:00The distribution of the things we leave behind is ...The distribution of the things we leave behind is always meaningful, Kleinstemotte and often times difficult. <br /><br />I agree with you about giving things away before you go. At least then you can share the pleasure. <br /><br />Thanks, Kleinstemotte.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-923761822030485642011-05-22T20:20:29.069+10:002011-05-22T20:20:29.069+10:00Susan, thanks to you, too, for being here and lett...Susan, thanks to you, too, for being here and letting me know. I value your encouragement.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-3273015533186373422011-05-22T20:18:50.576+10:002011-05-22T20:18:50.576+10:00It's this talk of mortality, Dave, that sets t...It's this talk of mortality, Dave, that sets those of us aged over fifty thinking hard, I suspect. <br /><br />I hope your thinking about these matters proves productive. I bet it will. You are such a thoughtful and eloquent poet and thinker, Dave. Thanks.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-12901122818417691992011-05-22T20:16:16.513+10:002011-05-22T20:16:16.513+10:00I'm sorry to be so long in responding to your ...I'm sorry to be so long in responding to your generous and thoughtful comment, Persiflage. I find at the moment with all the commitments I have plus the added demands of helping out with my mother, I have so little time to respond in the blogosphere as I'd like. <br /><br />My thanks to you Persiflage for all your thoughts here. I can only agree with you. This is a precious time.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-60242453240191882062011-05-22T12:18:37.396+10:002011-05-22T12:18:37.396+10:00i ache all over this. i'm not quite sure what...i ache all over this. i'm not quite sure what else i might say. except you are beautiful in your honesty. and she, in what you reveal to us. <br /><br />i kinda of just want to sit in her room and watch you two. i'm glad she is back in familiar surroundings. i wish her peace. you too.<br /><br />xo<br />erinerinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16636371927224076866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-78447276473911762772011-05-22T08:30:58.914+10:002011-05-22T08:30:58.914+10:00Elisabeth you leave me again with so much food for...Elisabeth you leave me again with so much food for thought. Indeed a very powerful post. So many things get digged up from my mind. <br />I love your writing and I wish the best for you and your mother. Arohanui.Marjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17458942200244031009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-56752621717404152902011-05-22T01:29:21.853+10:002011-05-22T01:29:21.853+10:00Sad and poignant at the same time. Hugs...
After c...Sad and poignant at the same time. Hugs...<br />After caring for my mom for years since my dad dies very young, my inheritance was her set of favourite books and half of the remains of her tiny saving.My little sis got the jewellery. Nothing went to the grandkids. My maternal aunt was more fair. I decided to give my kids stuff now. They already have most of my jewellery and some of my wealth has been put in investment accounts that they have control over. But for Buddy it will be different. He will get 50% of the estate and a trustee to care for him. My sister has accepted that role and she will do the job.<br />The oldest auntie whom I shall visit this July has already given me my share of inheritance, my sister too. I think it makes sense. That way there's less for the lawyers and gov't when the time comes.<br />Glad to hear you are coming to terms with your feelings about you and your mom.Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16174142810114806410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-34659378251685114672011-05-19T21:12:11.203+10:002011-05-19T21:12:11.203+10:00There are so many issues here that seem to me to r...There are so many issues here that seem to me to relate to myself and/or my wife, but I do not feel I can comment on them now. I need to think. Powerful post.Dave Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430484174826768488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-30877753872604880612011-05-19T15:21:06.320+10:002011-05-19T15:21:06.320+10:00Being part of the process of dying of a person dea...Being part of the process of dying of a person dear to you inevitably makes one think about mortality in general, and how to come to terms with it, accept it, think about all the regrets, sorrows and pains, and then to think more about how to live the rest of one's own life. <br />Being close to the dying person, and giving whatever help is possible, matters immensely. It has always seemed to me to be a very precious time, to be treasured, and pondered over. Sorrow of course goes with it. Life contracts, and the world becomes smaller, confined to the needs of the dying and the family, until it is possible to accept the death's inevitability, and in many cases, its desirability. One cannot want those we love to linger in pain and misery.<br />It is impossible to forget the dying and the deaths of those I have been close to, saying those words of farewell and acceptance, and seeing life fading, dwindling and finally vanishing. <br />Then to say Requiescat in Pace.<br />May your mother's life end peacefully. I am thinking of you.persiflagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05161607100227748374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-71859654816840485592011-05-18T20:57:10.947+10:002011-05-18T20:57:10.947+10:00Dying with dignity and grace is a great lesson, Fr...Dying with dignity and grace is a great lesson, Frances, though as I said to Kath earlier and now in different words, I suspect my mother will not go easily. She will most likely 'rage at the dying of the light'.<br /><br />Thanks, Frances.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-49905267313194561432011-05-18T20:54:54.589+10:002011-05-18T20:54:54.589+10:00Faithless daughters and faithless mothers, Kath, t...Faithless daughters and faithless mothers, Kath, they perhaps go hand in hand, but as you suggest we do our best despite any underlying resentments that might surface. Everyday I feel different vis a vis my mother and I relish the opportunity to shift from a bitter disenchanted and angry daughter into one who is more appreciative despite my mother's shortfalls.<br /><br />Thanks, Kath.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-5187027015369534472011-05-18T20:51:57.873+10:002011-05-18T20:51:57.873+10:00We take every day one at a time, Ellen, as far as ...We take every day one at a time, Ellen, as far as my mother is concerned and as for imagining that this is how her life would pan out, I'm not sure what she would have imagined. But even now, as sick as she is, my mother holds onto the belief that she might live forever, or near enough to. <br /><br />I'm glad that my mother is lucid and available to speak to us now, though from time to time she becomes a bit confused. It must be so much harder for you without the opportunity to speak to your mother at this time.<br /><br />Thanks, Ellen.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-13456848530238644392011-05-18T12:07:22.962+10:002011-05-18T12:07:22.962+10:00It is fortunate for your mother that she is lucid,...It is fortunate for your mother that she is lucid, Elisabeth, and can give her children her last maternal lesson: how to die with dignity and grace.Franceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588049222095187200noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-51607888464150146062011-05-18T11:00:36.392+10:002011-05-18T11:00:36.392+10:00dear elisabeth,
just wanted to let you know that i...dear elisabeth,<br />just wanted to let you know that i have been here. your last several posts have been so strong, so eloquent, the working through sof uch complicated, human narratives. your writing is brilliant and straightforward. i so appreciate everything you say, and how you say it.<br />--susansusan t. landryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12454487318141469849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-90095035434168670522011-05-17T17:49:55.509+10:002011-05-17T17:49:55.509+10:00Oh.... "'I have not always been such a fa...Oh.... "'I have not always been such a faithful daughter.' <br /><br />Me either... and I too harbour a bit of resentment about how LC and I have done everything without any financial support from my parents or his. We're proud of this but also a little sad about it as well and have been hurt a few times over the years.<br /><br />and yet.... and yet.... they love us. We know that they do. We all make mistakes and we're all trying to do the best we can; to improve on what we perceive that we missed out on. Will that mean that my daughter might end up with too *much* help as I over-compensate, so that she fails to become independent or value things?<br /><br />Who knows? But 'I have not always been such a faithful daughter' could be ascribed to most of us, methinks.Kath Locketthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09677312773827236567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-12253902602453997302011-05-17T10:13:56.670+10:002011-05-17T10:13:56.670+10:00A common lesson of life we are sharing. I am glad...A common lesson of life we are sharing. I am glad your mother can talk to you and you to her. I miss that fact that my mother doesn't have the ability to be understood with Non-fluent Aphasia that she has along with the dementia.<br /><br />Like you I question my mom's plan in life. Was this what she thought would happen the way her life played out? Is she happy with the choices she made? Everyday I am learning from her downward spiral illness about how I wish to be for those around me. What I want because I don't want to get to my end stage in life and regret having not done something that I could have.<br /><br />Legacies...whether it is a relationship that means the world to loved ones or wealth to loved ones when one passes away....I try not to go there. I don't know in the end what my mother has done. She would never tell us anything. It's not that I needed to know every detail but given the fact of the dementia I have no idea what she could have done. Good decision? Bad decisions?Ellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912709342270151365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-41505062401480801672011-05-16T21:11:39.566+10:002011-05-16T21:11:39.566+10:00Your legacy sounds priceless, Enchanted Oak, now a...Your legacy sounds priceless, Enchanted Oak, now as I'm coming to realise the value of being able to say goodbye to my mother through nursing her. It helps to wash away at least some of those grievances built up throughout our lives. Thanks, Enchanted Oak.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-46735948646253357712011-05-16T21:09:17.671+10:002011-05-16T21:09:17.671+10:00Death is inevitable, as you say, Zuzana, sooner o...Death is inevitable, as you say, Zuzana, sooner or later for all of us. <br /><br />Thank you for your good wishes.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-19690655680720803392011-05-16T21:04:18.851+10:002011-05-16T21:04:18.851+10:00'Death lotto', Marshall Stacks. I've n...'Death lotto', Marshall Stacks. I've not heard that term, but it's very resonant. What will they leave me we wonder?<br /><br />Thanks.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-33118766442014075402011-05-16T21:02:30.284+10:002011-05-16T21:02:30.284+10:00Your father's is an expensive death, Just Jane...Your father's is an expensive death, Just Jane, as is my mother's, what with modern technology and the push to keep people alive in ways they would not have dreamed of in years gone by.<br /><br />And as for inheritance. To me in many ways it is my writing ability essentially, that my parents bequeathed to me.<br /><br />Thanks, Jane.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-84000778026899613302011-05-16T20:59:42.488+10:002011-05-16T20:59:42.488+10:00Steven. I'm grateful for your appreciative com...Steven. I'm grateful for your appreciative comments and surprised that you see so much more than I do when I simply respond to my observations and experience here. But that's the way of it, I suppose.<br /><br />We see, we feel, we think and record and others get a whole new angle on things we had not considered before, even as we write about them.<br /><br />Thanks, Steven.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.com