tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post6154693048225173192..comments2023-06-28T22:58:28.247+10:00Comments on Sixth In Line: Silent through griefElisabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-32494923095489401222012-05-02T17:57:31.834+10:002012-05-02T17:57:31.834+10:00Watching a train wreck is a good way to put this e...Watching a train wreck is a good way to put this experience, Syd and yes, I agree small talk can be such a show stopper. Why waste our breath on words that don't matter?<br /><br />Thanks again, Syd.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-76651421534883003882012-05-02T17:55:27.270+10:002012-05-02T17:55:27.270+10:00It's good to see you here, India. Thanks for ...It's good to see you here, India. Thanks for these kind comments. Wild brassica is a great title for a book. I hope you're enjoying your conference.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-53485658978630342942012-05-02T12:15:21.112+10:002012-05-02T12:15:21.112+10:00I don't like small talk either and bore of it ...I don't like small talk either and bore of it quickly. I am a people watcher though and often find myself mesmerized in restaurants when someone dominates and goes on and on loudly. It is like watching a train wreck.Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-64371095946378674562012-05-02T04:22:28.597+10:002012-05-02T04:22:28.597+10:00hello Elisabeth-I've just spent part of my con...hello Elisabeth-I've just spent part of my conference block at school catching up with your blog. I could listen to you talk forever - really. You speak with a certain confidence and wisdom, so I always trust that you have carefully weighed every word. I particularly loved the names of the wild plants your husband found. Wild Brassica might be the title of a book of your vignettes xx Indiaphyllis nobleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07904749820148256361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-74408938098824274282012-04-23T22:43:24.562+10:002012-04-23T22:43:24.562+10:00Your comments are as beautifully articulated as yo...Your comments are as beautifully articulated as your posts, Marylinn. Clearly you do not waste words on small talk. Your talk is always profound in the lightest sense of the word - words at play. Thanks.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-71468136638444660662012-04-23T04:04:24.244+10:002012-04-23T04:04:24.244+10:00We hide from many things with words, especially ou...We hide from many things with words, especially ourselves. My capacity for small talk snapped off like a twig years ago, after too many company dinner parties with my former husband. Nothing brings out my sense of otherness quite so powerfully. Listening is an art, an act of grace, giving ourselves and time to another, but if it is not mutual, over time it becomes impossible. The more we write, the more valuable the words become; I don't want to waste either them or time whose supply is unclear but certainly finite. xoMarylinn Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02759437467691163658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-4228841886821747402012-04-19T19:14:58.672+10:002012-04-19T19:14:58.672+10:00I wondered the same thing, erin: what was that lou...I wondered the same thing, erin: what was that loud woman at the restaurant hiding from herself such that she needed to make such a noise about it. <br /><br />As for your abhorrence of all things tainted by the title small talk I can understand why you might shun conversation with all but the elderly and the small. Such folk have less to prove. To me the worst are the well-dressed money types who speak of nothings with plums in their mouths, as if from some lofty perch to which none of the rest of us could ever aspire. Nor would we want to, but they are not to know. <br /><br />Thanks, erin, especially for your compassionate understanding of my mother's plight.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-50947726339592676972012-04-19T19:10:23.967+10:002012-04-19T19:10:23.967+10:00It was certainly something to sit through, Who, nu...It was certainly something to sit through, Who, nuance and all. Thanks.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-27633083158937037312012-04-19T19:09:22.110+10:002012-04-19T19:09:22.110+10:00Those loud conversations on public transport, Pear...Those loud conversations on public transport, Pearl, the ones people conduct with a phone to the ear are an amazing thing, worse even in some ways than my woman at the restaurant. <br /><br />At least in restaurants people generally talk to one another in bodily form. <br /><br />There's something about a loud conversation to some unseen person at the other end of a phone in full public view that draws me in every time and every time I'm both appalled and enthralled.<br /><br />Thanks, Pearl.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-14573213850899782872012-04-19T11:04:04.025+10:002012-04-19T11:04:04.025+10:00i feel intensely for your mother, and how that pho...i feel intensely for your mother, and how that photograph affects me. their eyes! the hair. the importance of such assembly.<br /><br />i am not good at small talk. i try to avoid it. i make people uncomfortable mostly, i think, unless they are elderly. i seem to do alright with the elderly, or children, people who have had enough of (or haven't learned yet) certain bullshit barriers. in other words it seems to me that they talk about things that matter. <br /><br />but people are often bound to surprise us. sometimes i even surprise me.<br /><br />i wonder what that loud woman at the restaurant was hiding from herself.<br /><br />xo<br />erinerinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16636371927224076866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-9112884758792626152012-04-19T08:14:36.082+10:002012-04-19T08:14:36.082+10:00Jimeny Jillikers Batman, I can't believe you c...Jimeny Jillikers Batman, I can't believe you could sit through that type of suffering. Especially since some languages are so full of nuance.whohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17685473418191606910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-2138105005429631772012-04-18T22:09:09.705+10:002012-04-18T22:09:09.705+10:00Love the turn of this, the way you write, although...Love the turn of this, the way you write, although of course I do not love that your mother has grown silent. I feel for her. <br /><br />I ride the bus, to and from work. I know of the incessant chatter of which you speak. There are people doing that at 6:24 a.m. No, I am not kidding. :-) I've seen people make repeated phone calls at that time of day, simply to ask the poor sucker on the other end "what are you doing?"<br /><br />We've become a land of overgrown children, believing our every thought has meaning. <br /><br />PearlPearlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05261369905176088917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-39368680946063059322012-04-18T20:45:54.635+10:002012-04-18T20:45:54.635+10:00No need to reply, Elisabeth, but I wanted to say t...No need to reply, Elisabeth, but I wanted to say thank you for your [always] considered and thoughtful replies. Have a lovely day :)Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-33858794993490446762012-04-18T20:28:14.477+10:002012-04-18T20:28:14.477+10:00It's good to see you again, Rubye Jack. I thi...It's good to see you again, Rubye Jack. I think I know what you mean about a decreased need to impress people the more time you have away from them. It can lead to a state pf separateness that sounds quite helpful to me. I'm looking forward to being able to spend time alone once I hit the so-called 'empty nest' here, but I can't imagine too many days alone. <br /><br />I was never one for the types of retreats we had when I was a girl where we were not allowed to speak for days.<br /><br />Thanks, Rubye Jack.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-3666226434605144732012-04-18T20:23:49.061+10:002012-04-18T20:23:49.061+10:00I just read an interesting piece about loneliness ...I just read an interesting piece about loneliness and Face Book, Dominic. It's long and fairly detailed but if you're interested see: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/04/is-facebook-making-us-lonely/8930/<br /><br />The writer, Stephen Marche, raises important issues to do with online connectedness/disconnectedness. But he also makes the point that loneliness is not just a function of new technologies.<br /><br />Thanks, Dominic.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-37338151997176791582012-04-18T20:10:01.766+10:002012-04-18T20:10:01.766+10:00That sounds like an amazing radio interview, Rober...That sounds like an amazing radio interview, Robert. I know I can sometimes cut to the chase but it can cause people embarrassment especially some of my daughters who worry that I'm too 'over the top'. All in the name of meaningfulness, I reckon.<br /><br />Thanks, Robert.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-5656818885894210902012-04-18T20:07:05.227+10:002012-04-18T20:07:05.227+10:00You may be overly enthusiastic, Kath, but I'll...You may be overly enthusiastic, Kath, but I'll bet you're no way as loud and as seemingly mindless in your enthusiasm and noise as this woman. <br /><br /><br />The way you describe yourself here you sound like an ebullient child in your curiosity and enthusiasm and i reckon we need more of that. <br /><br />Thanks, Kath.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-1772914121836865282012-04-18T20:03:37.740+10:002012-04-18T20:03:37.740+10:00The irony of it all, Rachel, as you say, the one w...The irony of it all, Rachel, as you say, the one who pulls you in can also be the one who most appalls you. <br /><br />As for the death of a sibling, for most of us I suspect we never quite get over it no matter when it happens.<br /><br />Thanks, Rachel.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-4311119832031380072012-04-18T20:00:36.508+10:002012-04-18T20:00:36.508+10:00I agree, Karen, grief is one of the hardest topics...I agree, Karen, grief is one of the hardest topics around and people avoid bereaved folk like the plague. It's sad really, when most of us know that people who have lost a loved one need almost more than anything else the chance to talk about their lost loved one with concerned others, or at least to have other compassionate people near while they grieve. <br /><br />Your division between those you entertain and are entertained by for small talk as opposed to the D and M types who can either nurture you at time or else at other times exhaust you, is valid. <br /><br />We can't always go in for heavy meaningful talk as if we're in therapy all the time. We need occasional moments of levity, sometimes more so than others. Without such lightness we run the risk of taking ourselves and life far too seriously. <br /><br />Thanks, Karen.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-67313864030882913162012-04-18T11:47:31.770+10:002012-04-18T11:47:31.770+10:00It's funny, I can go for days without seeing a...It's funny, I can go for days without seeing a single person and I've done that a lot over the last year. Since I've been more alone, I find myself calmer and less interested in impressing than I was when I used to be around people every day. I think for me it has much to do with an inability to handle too much energy. When I had to be around people every day, I remember being more self-conscious and at odds with myself, and yes, I would talk in a loud voice I'm afraid. Now I am much more quiet. Perhaps it has to do with finding I am alright without people and so I no longer need them so much that I try to impress. <br /><br />I use "to my mind" a lot also to clarify that I understand my thoughts are just me and recognize that not everyone need think the same. Something like that anyway.<br />Interesting post Elizabeth.Rubye Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02511953177053448513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-52818991031252388962012-04-18T10:30:08.721+10:002012-04-18T10:30:08.721+10:00Loneliness can become a vicious circle. It's a...Loneliness can become a vicious circle. It's a tragedy that those who need friends most are often the hardest to befriend.<br /><br />You paint a very touching picture of your mother. It's a sobering thought that none of us are likely to escape grief at one time or another.Dominic Rivronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02618013365521035400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-66983149792665373462012-04-18T03:30:43.939+10:002012-04-18T03:30:43.939+10:00I recently heard on Public Radio a very brief lect...I recently heard on Public Radio a very brief lecture by a woman who eschews small talk and described how to cut to the chase and get to the real and revealing things about another person. <br /><br />She demonstrated this just buying a ticket for a movie - in a couple of lines she found out from the guy in the ticket booth that he had a girl friend he wanted to break up with and more.<br /><br />Yes, I prefer intimate conversations with friends that contain substance.Robert the Skeptichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10863488312604865183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-89582574876815903602012-04-18T00:13:55.674+10:002012-04-18T00:13:55.674+10:00I must confess that I read this and thought, sadly...I must confess that I read this and thought, sadly, that there was no way that my husband would be able to answer in the same way yours has done.<br /><br />I get too excited, want to please too much, feel like spaces have to be filled and want the instant gratification of laughter and response. I loathe this about myself and often have to say, 'listen' over and over inside. <br /><br />Your observation that your two friends are lonely but also need to talk incessantly without necessarily including you is also a reality that I dread for myself. <br /><br />Hopefully silence isn't always earned at the cost of grief or despair...?MedicatedMoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08609190990579743429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-61288238285088605022012-04-17T20:59:46.518+10:002012-04-17T20:59:46.518+10:00I'm as you describe, Kirk. When I'm excit...I'm as you describe, Kirk. When I'm excited I can get noisy but not when I feel self conscious. Then I'm more likely to go silent.<br /><br />I agree too, small talk is all relative. Sports talk to me is profoundly trivial but perhaps not for sports people or sports fans, whereas to me anything about writing is profound, even if it takes the form of that light weight comedy, The Book Group. <br /><br />That's a pretty ghastly story about Jackie Onassis. It sounds like she may not have overcome the trauma of that dreadful day.<br /><br />Thanks, Kirk.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28133718.post-3800943929517441702012-04-17T20:54:40.128+10:002012-04-17T20:54:40.128+10:00Thanks, Maggie May. I'm honoured that you lab...Thanks, Maggie May. I'm honoured that you label this post an essay. I wouldn't have thought it warranted such a description.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.com