Thursday, April 16, 2009

What a difference a collapse makes.

You can tell I'm on holidays this week. I have more time for postings than usual.

I did not feel well yesterday. It's funny how often I feel unwell during holidays, as if the time to stop allows my body to start talking to me again, telling me to slow down perhaps or at least to pay attention.

I was standing at the check out in the supermarket when my eyes went strange. It was as if my vision, particularly in my left eye had begun to break up, as if a line had been drawn through my sight and the point of the line began to shake. My vision across that line then became fluid and blurry. I blinked several times to right it. My mind was still intact. I could complete the transaction and leave the supermarket as if normal and I imagined my vision would come good once outside, but it continued though less severe, until I reached my car.

When I came home, I looked up Google for a diagnosis, as you do, by which time my vision had resumed normalcy and I decided that I might have been hypoglycemic. I need to eat more in the middle of the day perhaps.

I ate a banana then and although I felt physically better, my mind kept troubling me with thoughts of dire disease, diabetes and the like. I will check this out today when I visit the doctor for my annual flu injection.

Millie tells me that I am not my usual self. That I am worse tempered than usual. That I get angry with the girls in ways I never did before. I explained to her that I have reached the stage where I no longer enjoy the challenge of housework, and that it begins to get on top of me. Age, I say. It must be my age. I’ve had enough of being a mother in the domestic sense.

Last night the three girls, especially Millie and Ella tidied the kitchen and put all the washing away. Rosie tidied her room. What an achievement. I don’t think it’s happened like this before.

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